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Keith notes the similarities to Patrick Heron, to which everyone pretends to know the artistic reference and it could not be more obvious that nobody did, and they only look like Patrick Heron’s works in that they are circular and blobby. Hannah is the most obviously over invested drawing inspiration from her granddad’s paintings No, this is Pottery Throwdown and of course everyone has wonderfully over thought it and is making a fondue pot that is the equivalent of a Victorian family Mausoleum. Now you would think that with something like a cheese set you would go for a cheese related theme, maybe some mice? Crackers? France even. The fondue pot needs a flat base thick enough to withstand heat as well as a handle and the cheese dome needs to be able to fit cheese underneath it – the do not specify how much cheese and I feel this might have benefited a lot of the potters. The first challenge for the potters is to craft a cheese set, which is absolutely not a thing and is entirely just a collection of cheese related items consisting of a cheese dome, a fondue pot and 2 pickle jars, which must be identical (and usable). Suz apparently whiles away the hours in Aberdeenshire crafting what can only be described as the the Antiques Roadshow Underworld – LOOK AT HER MONSTROUS CREATIONS AND WEEP IN FEAR. And she’s an incredibly talented potter, the stuff in her store is STUNNING, check her out some time at Supper Ceramics. She’s perfect, she’s beautiful, she’s a model, she looks like Linda Evangelista. I don’t know what better embodies this show than a lesbian sitting on a cliffside, watching the sunset while feeding her dogs cheese? A legend. Is he a used car salesman or a porn director? YOU DECIDE! Sal I can’t tell you much about Peter because I’m still lost in that throwback photo. OBLIGATORY BEEKEEPER KLAXON! But more than that, he has a tortoise named Reg – can’t wait to see him immortalised as some sort of bathtub later in the series. She’s a biking scrubs nurse that looks the spit of Alanis Morissette – if that’s not enough to get her on the New Year’s Honours List I don’t know what is. I genuinely think I would have been able to tell you that Irina was a Russian woman that lives in Essex and works for a private jet company if you had just shown me a picture of her. Henry has almost certainly been cast entirely because he was the one person amongst all the submission who wrote “I do circus skills” on their application form – and I for one am entirely delighted that we have our very own boyband member looking clown! Irina
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HannahĮvery series has a whirling dervish and unrelenting chaos and emotion and if Bristolian Hannah’s wildly flailing arms are anything to go by, I think we just found ours! Henry There were high hopes for Ara when he announced he was a retired theatre wardrobe manager because usually it’s a warning sign that they’re about to go out in a blaze of gaudy glory but Ara was much more subdued in his pottery approaches. The youngest potter at 20 years and very much the jangling bunch of nerves that every university student is right now. With a new lot of potters all taking to the wheels I think it’s best to give them all a bit of an introduction, so let’s meet the potters! AdamĪ delightful walking cliché of a Brightonian – he is the proud gay dad of an adorably tiny dog that he takes on kayaking adventures. It’s not just the judges that have been overhauled, Melanie Sykes couldn’t be bothered to bubble up and has been replaced with Siobhan McSweeney who is a gift that we need but barely deserve Rich’s position as office workhand is being filled by the delightful Rose, who if nothing else is my pick to replace Jodie Whittaker as The Doctor There’s been quite the shake up at the old pottery barn with Original Hot Kiln Guy Rich playing a Cersei-like Game of Thrones and usurping the judging title of Sue Pryke.
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It’s back! the purest show on television with more jeopardy than Bake Off in a heatwave and not a malicious bone in its body! It’s just nice people making nice things in a nice workshop.